AUDITION NOTICE
Drinking Habits
A Farce by Tom Smith
Directed by Hayley Grant & Claire Long
Venue: Ponteland Memorial Hall, Darras Road, Ponteland, NE209NX
Performance Dates: Friday 27th March – Saturday 28th March 2026 (3 performances)
Rehearsals: Thursdays & Fridays (7-9.30pm) from January 8th 2026 at The Badger, Street Houses, Ponteland Road, Ponteland, NE20 9BT and an additional evening/weekend afternoon to be added for larger roles (night/weekend afternoon TBC). 3 additional Sundays in Ponteland Memorial Hall (3-6pm) in February for all
Audition Details: Thursday 18th and Friday 20th December at The Badger. Slots available from 6-9pm.
Audition pieces can be downloaded here.
Synopsis
Think Fawlty Towers meets Sister Act (without the singing): a fast-paced farce, with an ensemble cast. The Sisters of the Convent of Perpetual Sewing are on a fight to avoid closure with an illegal alcohol business, but a couple of pesky reporters are determined to ‘out’ them and will stop at nothing – even impersonating members of the clergy – to get their story. The trouble is that no one in the convent is quite who they appear to be – by the final dénouement cassocks and habits are being shed as fast as the lies!
Characters in order of appearance (description & ages)
Sister Augusta; Female; Acting Age 20+
A no nonsense, bossy nun – in charge of the winemaking business – and her fellow Sister Philomena.
Sister Philomena: Female; Acting Age 20+
A somewhat timid nun – under the supervision of Sister Augusta she also makes the wine – but, oh, the guilt!!!!
George: Male; Acting Age 20-30
The convent’s groundskeeper, a genuine, lovely chap who gets caught up in a web of intrigue, deceit and impersonating a priest…
Mother Superior: Female; Acting Age 40+ (we are also open to a man playing this part – but it should be a genuine impersonation – not a pantomime character)
A matron like character, starts off in full control with the usual barking of orders – but is induced into a state of panic and rash decision making by her fears that the convent may have to close. Harbours more than one secret…
Paul: Male; Acting Age 20-30
A reporter who holds a serious torch for his ex-fiancée and fellow reporter Sally. He is roped into infiltrating the convent first as a priest, then a nun and finally an Archbishop and is equally uncomfortable with all three!
Sally: Female; Acting Age 20-30
A strong-willed, feisty reporter who will stop at nothing to get her story – even pretend to be a nun – which is a challenge for her since, much like Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act, religion is most definitely not her thing.
Sister Mary-Catherine: Female; Acting Age 20-30
An honest, somewhat naïve, novice nun who is mistaken for a spy by Mother Superior and subject to a little harassment and pursued by George as his long-lost childhood crush.
Father Chenille: Male; Acting Age 40+
The parish priest – a recovering alcoholic with an interesting past. Blustering, ignorant of the majority of things around him – but really harbouring a passion for the Mother Superior and with a secret history…
Audition Pieces
Audition pieces can be downloaded here.
Sister Philomena/Sister Augusta: Page 13-14
Paul/Sally: Page 15-17 (to Mother Superior's entrance)
Sally: Page 18-20
Mother Superior/Paul: Page 36-39
Father Chenille/Sister Mary Catherine: Page 40-41
Sister Mary Catherine/George: Page 45-47
Mother Superior/Sister Philomena: Page 55-56
George: Page 57-58
Father Chenille: Page 59-60
The full script is available from Playscripts.com where you can read for free if you register for an account.
If you experience difficulties, then get in touch with Claire Long at [email protected].